The Pooph commercial certainly isn’t short on hype. And while I can’t help but cringe a little knowing that the marketing geniuses behind quite a few other blockbuster household products have focus-grouped my demographic (hot-hipster-mom-pet-owners) into a razor sharp diamond-tipped icepick narrative designed to deliver fantastic visions of pure odorless bliss to my neurons, I can also see myself among that crowd being won over by the Pooph huckster’s nevermind-the-aw-shucks-just-sniff-this! innocence (and his well-sculpted biceps don’t hurt things either).

He needn’t be shy about his claims. “This is Pooph!” he shouts, because he buys it. And so should we. But wait…. Can we please just pause for a second before clicking “add to cart“? What’s with all the shouting? And why all the camera cuts? Couldn’t they have just sobered it up and toned it down a little? Couldn’t they have just made it a little less sexy? Couldn’t they have done it all in one take from one angle, so we can watch the ammonia and the revulsion and the pooph and the surprise from beginning to end without wondering if we weren’t being hoodwinked in a shell game? I’m not such a curmudgeon that I’m saying two cuts = a lie, I’m just sayin’ I tend to prefer to have my products marketed to me by gramps‘.

And because I get a little antsy in crowds, when I hear everyone and their brother talking about how excited they are about a brand new product, I tend to turn the volume down on the hubbub so I can do a little sleuthing by reading the actual real-life Pooph Reviews.

I think the answer is pretty obvious that if I were put in charge of marketing I’d be fired riiiight NOW. Because no matter whether the claims are true or not, most people probably don’t want to watch my version – the one that offers, very helpfully. mind you, what my kids call “long talks”. The one with the nerdier guy with no biceps at all who cites patents , mumbles a few terms like “aqueous electrostatic concentator” and “polyfluoroalkyl substances,” and shies from getting close to the hot mom with the stinky sheet of ammonia paper. I guess maybe I need to make my own Pooph commercial for people like me that tend to listen to that guy over a yukster.

Anyhoosies, without further ado, as reward for your indulgence of my yammering, here, at long last, is the Pooph commercial: